Hannah at RelationshipSurgery.com reflects on her most important relationships.
There have been times in my life when I felt my heart was literally breaking, the world was actually ending and there was no hope for any future happiness. Drama queen maybe but probably feelings that have been experienced to some degree by many of you true romantics out there…….because yes, I’m talking about the emotional crisis’s that come hand in hand with the not always so compassionate hand of a boyfriend!
Anyway, never one to be defeated by these feelings of utter despair and never one to completely give up on the seemingly endless pursuit of finding ‘the one’, I became aware that I needed to look elsewhere in my life for a different type of relationship in order to help me through my endeavours ……to offer the kind of support, strength, love and trust that I was looking for from a soul mate…..and then it suddenly just smacked me in the face, there she was and had been all along, my best friend!!
It was then that I realised there are many parallels between a boyfriend and a best friend and that ultimately both of them can offer you a soul mate and whilst undertaking the quest for one should by no means make you ignorant to the huge importance of the other. In fact friendship offers its own kind of love and when you find that true friend you need to remember how lucky you are. For me, I quickly realised that;
1. My best friend was going to be the most important person in my life when it came to the dating game. After all, who better to offer outfit advice for that first date and who better to give you an honest opinion a potential suitor when you are blinded by the first phases of lust! Guys aren’t the only ones who enjoy the perks of a ‘wingman’! – Many a time have me and my best friend have tackled the singles bars together, side by side (more often than not sneaking out via the back entrance together like giggling co-conspirators escaping capture!) We’ve also enjoyed the rarer joy that comes with double dating – only to end up realising the reason we thought we had such great times with our respective boyfriends was in fact down the fact we were with each other and that actually when left alone with our men, things just didn’t seem quite such fun!
Of course it’s almost inevitable that at some point one or other of you are going to end up in a fairly solid relationship but a true best friend will not only accept this, they will be positively happy for you, even if their path on the road to romance isn’t going quite as smoothly. During some of my more serious relationships my best friend has been invaluable, offering an ear to listen to the constant highs and lows, a shoulder to cry on and most importantly a hand to drag me out for girly times to make sure I never forgot there was more to life than my love life!!
2. I can always be myself with my best friend. Whilst there have been times (which admittedly I’m not proud of and believe that actually us girls should never have to do this!) I have undergone various personality changes to try and appeal to various different guys, I realised that I’ve never had to do this with my BF. She has seen me at my absolute worst – tearful red faced and snotty, sulky and silent, angry and a bit mean,(drunk and disorderly!) etc etc but never have I felt like she’s judging me or likely to dump me for being the real me. Instead she’s dried the tears, given me a kick up the arse, shouted back at me (and when necessary plied me with coffee!). Perhaps most importantly she’s seen me first thing in the morning, make up free with bed head hair! I think when I find a guy that stays by my side through all these things without flinching or flouncing off then I will start thinking he has some serious potential!
3. I know she will be my BFF! I’ve not yet felt that guaranteed certainty that a boyfriend is going to be forever but I have with my best friend. In fact, where I’d urge total caution before leaping into a relationship head first and declaring undying love after just a few days, when it comes to a best friend I think you can make an exception to the rule! When I met my best friend we went from total strangers to BFF’s within a matter of hours! It’s a reassuring feeling knowing that you have found a soul mate, even if it’s not the one you think you’re looking for – it’s definitely the one you need and it’s the one that will support and guide you through the minefield that is the dating game until you find the forever boyfriend! After all, boyfriends come and go but Best Friends are here to stay.
4. Arguments with my best friend never last very long. And that’s on the rare occasion we even have a proper barney! – Sure, we have lots of banter and little disagreements (like who saw that great pair of shoes in the shop window first, or who’s the hottest, Brad or George!) but there has been the odd time where something has escalated and we’ve found ourselves in a stalemate situation, but what I’ve learnt is that no matter the problem, I just can’t not speak to her for long because after just a day or so I end up bursting with so many things I want to tell/ask/laugh/chat to her about. It’s not like when I’ve fallen out with a guy and kept myself from picking up the phone for days – or basically however long it took to ‘win’ the argument! With my best friend it never seems to matter in the end who’s right or wrong or who backs down or apologises first, all that matters is we get things resolved asap so we can hit the shops & pick up those shoes!
5. Thelma and Lousie, Monica and Rachel……some of the best partnerships are between girls! Make no mistake, a great boyfriend can bring amazing things to your world and will ultimately transform your life into a hopefully wonderful and endless adventure, BUT a best friend can bring something to your life that a boyfriend never will. They will probably have been in your life a lot longer than any boyfriend and so will have known you and been there for you through thick or thin, and like any good relationship your friendship will change and evolve and continue bringing you an inner support and strength throughout all your life ups and downs. Girls understand girls like no guy could ever could. We understand how each other ticks and we understand girls rule!!
“Friendship marks a life more deeply than love.” Ellie Wiesel.